Child Custody Evaluation Was Temporary Order a Life Sentence, Can You Get Back What You Gave Up?



Posted: Monday, June 08, 2009

by Ed Brooks
Child-Custody-Forum.com

It can be extremely heartbreaking to discover too late that when you signed a temporary custody order you were signing away your basic visitation rights as a parent. Of course most of us think the word temporary means just that, temporary until it is changed. But when it comes to custody and visitation agreements, temporary can mean a life sentence. Heading into your evaluation may be your last chance to correct it. The family court motto is to protect the best interest of the child. Many of us find out too late in the process that the initial orders we agreed to, giving major visitation and other concessions, have now come back to haunt us. You see the trouble with temporary orders is that they create a new basis for the discussion of custody issues. The court process can take months and even well beyond a year to get through all of the process. Of course by the time you have spent months or nearly a year in a new routine, the court is hesitant to change the child's routine.

So what ever happened to fair, and innocent until proven guilty you may ask? Well, in civil court (family court is part of the civil court), the laws of prosecution and defendants rights are not applicable. The only rule you can live by here is the rule of the jungle. Eat or be eaten. By the time we get to this evaluation stage the gloves have been off for while and it's obvious that you and the other parent have major disagreements. I may just be that those disagreements may be one of your best weapons in trying to get the order changed.

You may recall the story of King Solomon who could not identify the baby's mother so he ordered the child split in half. Of course the real mother would rather let the baby go than see it harmed. I am not saying the evaluator would do this but sometimes you need to help people make the right choice. In this case the choice would be to change the temporary order to a more workable order.

It is human nature, and the evaluators job, to not be led around by the parties, but to make decisions on the child's best interest. Therefore telling the evaluator what decision to make is not a very good strategy. However, giving them the information they need to make a decision in your favor is your best opportunity to change things.

For instance, if the other parent had taken advantage of you after you had agreed to something, like not letting you take the child to the grandparents house for a regular family dinner. This is important for them to know. Why? Because building bonds is done through rituals. If family dinner with grandparents is a ritual that your child cannot participate in( after they agreed to it), then the other parent is not acting in the best interest of the child. Notice that I have not suggested a change to the schedule but I'll bet it is obvious to you that the schedule need to be changed.

Changing a standing order is extremely difficult without a severe change of circumstances. Make no mistake, it is an uphill battle, but it can be fought. You need to learn what the evaluator is looking for then give it to them in a way that they can make a change that will work for you.

Ed Brooks knows firsthand how painful a High Conflict Child Custody battle can be. Ed has created a site where parents can get advice on how to handle all aspects of a high conflict Temporary Child Custody battle. If you want to learn more about handling Child Custody Evaluation issues you can find it here.
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